On a smooth October day
I see a girl crossing off something on her to-to list in her digital journal. Smooth jazz and soft rock is playing everywhere around town. The stench of fresh bagels stunk up the street outside of the country diner. I never see anyone inside anymore. They must own the building. I bought myself a charm for my keys. A bear’s head, smiling and blushing, paired with a barbie pink strawberry, each seed molded and pasted on. I ran into Madi and Matthew on the corner, Ethan yelled out their window at us in the passenger seat of Alice’s car. “Madi!” Madi and Matthew were heading to the Bazaar, where I bought the charm, where my mother told me to go this morning. She keeps dropping hints she wants me to make more crafts and buy a booth to sell my wares which don’t exist yet. My parents love business. Today my dad taught me “legit” (his words) tax evasion tactics. (“You can kinda milk the system.”) All the hair on my chin keeps falling out and I feel hungover all the time. Poetry hasn’t been fun in a while and everyone seems to have gotten stupider, including myself. 0.35mm pens used to make it bearable to write in a page. Now I borrow the 0.5mm ones from work for notes, not that I really write any except what perfumes I’ve sprayed on what paper. I can see the brim of my hat and the tip of my nose in my periphery. I think of Jenna and maniacal photography. Hot chocolate coats my mouth and the smell of skin and green tea seeps into my nose.
It feels silly to be on my phone in a café full of people on their laptops and iPads. I brought a book. An Instagram Reel I saw the other day comes to mind: “For people who read books in public, life is a dick measuring contest.” I came here alone but I feel like I’m being stood up. The girl at the table in front of me got up and left her laptop open. A sinkhole fills the screen.
Before I came to Open Eye, I walked into Weaver Street in hopes of ordering a hot chocolate. I pass by Charlie and the man who is on the board of the Chelsea who once asked me to buy him cigarettes when his leg was broken are talking. I wave to Charlie. The girl who used to message me incessantly on Grindr is working and before I can get away she spots me. I pretend to browse the cold drinks and quickly slip around the corner. Sheena is crouched over her laptop in the corner of the café and doesn’t notice me.
In Open Eye, the slow rock playing from the l ceiling makes me want to cry. Am I sad or am I just a day late on my shot? I better get to CVS to buy new face and body wash. On my way out, Helena and Yasmin call out my name. They seem caffeinated. Helena says I look cute. We make small talk and I offer them my table in the corner and leave for CVS.
Brilliant..feels like dark gray cotton and grinding your teeth